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Five Love Languages (Part 1) - Biblical Love in Marriage

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Watch the video of this sermon on YouTube: Five Love Languages (Part 1).

For a master copy of the outline and the other sermons in the series, click here: Five Love Languages.

To listen to or watch the next sermon in the series, click here: Part 2.

Five Love Languages

I. In his book, The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman identifies five different ways in which couples express and feel love, which he calls love languages.
1. The five love languages are:
A. Words of Affirmation - This language uses words to affirm other people.
B. Quality Time - This language is all about giving the other person your undivided attention.
C. Gifts - For some people, what makes them feel most loved is to receive a gift.
D. Acts of Service - For these people, actions speak louder than words.
E. Physical Touch - To this person, nothing speaks more deeply than appropriate touch.

II. Before we get to Chapman's work, let's first look at "what saith the scripture" about how husbands and wives should love each other.

III. Husbands and wives are both commanded by God to love each other (Eph 5:25,28; Tit 2:4).
1. Love v. - 1. a. trans. To bear love to; to entertain a great affection or regard for; to hold dear.
2. Love n. - 1. a. That disposition or state of feeling with regard to a person which (arising from recognition of attractive qualities, from instincts of natural relationship, or from sympathy) manifests itself in solicitude for the welfare of the object, and usually also in delight in his or her presence and desire for his or her approval; warm affection, attachment.
3. Love (charity - Christian love) in general...
A. Suffereth long, and is kind; envieth not, vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up (1Co 13:4)
i. Suffer v. - 1. trans. To have (something painful, distressing, or injurious) inflicted or imposed upon one; to submit to with pain, distress, or grief. a. pain, death, punishment, †judgement; hardship, disaster; grief, †sorrow, care.
ii. Longsuffering n. - Patient endurance of provocation or trial; longanimity.
iii. Kind adj. - 5. Of persons: Naturally well-disposed; having a gentle, sympathetic, or benevolent nature; ready to assist, or show consideration for, others; †generous, liberal, courteous (obs.). Also of disposition. b. Well or favourably disposed to; bearing good will to. c. Exhibiting a friendly or benevolent disposition by one's conduct to a person or animal.
iv. Envy v. - 1. trans. To feel displeasure and ill-will at the superiority of (another person) in happiness, success, reputation, or the possession of anything desirable; to regard with discontent another's possession of (some superior advantage which one would like to have for oneself). Also in less unfavourable sense: To wish oneself on a level with (another) in happiness or in the possession of something desirable; to wish oneself possessed of (something which another has).
v. Vaunt v. - 1. intr. To boast or brag; to use boastful, bragging, or vainglorious language.
vi. Puffed up - 2. fig. a. Inflated or swollen with vanity, pride, etc. Also puffed-up:
B. Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil (1Co 13:5)
i. Unseemly adv. - 1. In an unseemly or unbecoming manner.
ii. Unseemly adj. - 1. Unbecoming, unfitting; indecent.
iii. Provoked ppl. - having received provocation; irritated, angry, annoyed.
C. Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth (1Co 13:6)
i. Rejoice v. - 1. trans. To enjoy by possessing; to have full possession and use of (a thing).
ii. Iniquity n. - 1. The quality of being unrighteous, or (more often) unrighteous action or conduct; unrighteousness, wickedness, sin; sometimes, esp. in early use, Wrongful or injurious action towards another, infliction of wrong, injury; in mod. use generally connoting gross injustice or public wrong.
iii. Truth n. - II. 5. a. Conformity with fact; agreement with reality; accuracy, correctness, verity (of statement or thought).
D. Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things (1Co 13:7)
i. Bear v. - I. To carry; with its transferred and fig. senses. 1. a. trans. To support the weight of (anything) whilst moving it from one place to another; to carry. Now usually restricted in prose to the carrying of something weighty or which requires an effort.
ii. Believe v. - 1. To have confidence or faith in (a person), and consequently to rely upon, trust to.
iii. Hope v. - 1. a. intr. To entertain expectation of something desired; to look (mentally) with expectation.
iv. Endure v. - II. To last; to suffer continuously. 2. intr. To last, continue in existence. Also, to persist, ‘hold out’ in any action, etc. †Formerly also, to continue in a certain state or condition, remain in a certain place
4. A husband's love toward his wife should be primarily characterized by the following:
A. Self-sacrifice (Eph 5:25)
B. Leading her (Eph 5:22-24)
C. Providing for her (Eph 5:28-29 c/w 1Ti 5:8)
i. Nourish v. - II. 5. b. To sustain (a person or living organism) with food or proper nutriment. c. To supply (a thing) with whatever is necessary to promote its growth or formation, or to maintain it in proper condition.
ii. Provide v. - III. 7. To equip or fit out (a person, etc.) with what is necessary for a certain purpose; to furnish or supply with something implied.
iii. A husband should provide all that is necessary for his wife's wellbeing and growth including shelter, food, clothing, and safety.
D. Cherishing her (Eph 5:29)
i. Cherish v. - 1. trans. To hold dear, treat with tenderness and affection; to make much of. b. To make too much of, pamper, pet. c. To caress, fondle; to hug; to stroke or pat endearingly.
ii. Men should show their wives affection, treat them with tenderness, and make them feel special.
iii. Affection n. - 6. a. Good disposition towards, goodwill, kind feeling, love, fondness, loving attachment.
iv. Tenderness n. - 1. Physical softness or delicacy; fragility; inability to stand rough usage; weakness, frailty; †youthfulness (obs.); effeminacy, womanishness. 2. The quality of being tender in regard or treatment of others; gentleness, kindness, compassion, love; considerateness, mercy, leniency.
v. Remember, men, your wives are not just men with breasts.
vi. Don't treat them like you treat your brother or your friends.
E. Knowing her (1Pe 3:7)
i. A sign of loving someone is wanting to know as much about them as possible.
ii. Women feel loved when their husbands show an interest in them and listen to them.
iii. One important thing that a man should know about his wife is her primary love language (more on this later).
F. Giving her honor (1Pe 3:7)
i. Honor n. - 1. High respect, esteem, or reverence, accorded to exalted worth or rank; deferential admiration or approbation. a. As felt or entertained in the mind for some person or thing.
ii. Men should highly respect their wives, both in private and in public.
G. Being patient (not bitter) with her (Col 3:19)
i. Bitter n. - 6. a. Characterized by intense animosity or virulence of feeling or action; virulent. b. Const. to, against. 1382 Wyclif Col. iii. 19 Men, loue Še Šoure wyues, and nyle Še be bitter to hem [1611 against them]. 7. Of words (or the person who utters them): Stinging, cutting, harsh, keenly or cruelly reproachful, virulent.
ii. Because women are more emotional than men, and because they are the weaker vessel, men have a tendency to despise them for it and become frustrated and harsh with them.
iii. Men, make sure to not do this, remembering that your wife is a gift from God, and you therefore need to treat her kindly.
iv. A wise lady once told me that women are as delicate as flowers, so treat them tenderly.
5. A wife's love toward her husband should be primarily characterized by the following:
A. Submitting to him
i. Wives are to submit to their own husbands (Eph 5:22; Col 3:18).
a. Submit - v. I. 1. refl. and intr. To place oneself under the control of a person in authority or power; to become subject, surrender oneself, or yield to a person or his rule, etc.
b. Control - n. 1. a. The fact of controlling, or of checking and directing action; the function or power of directing and regulating; domination, command, sway.
c. Check - v. IV. To restrain, control. 13. (fig. from 3.) To stop (action, growth, exhibition of feeling, and the like); to stay the course of; to repress, restrain.
ii. Wives are supposed to submit to their husbands as unto the Lord (Eph 5:22).
a. As - I. Of quantity or degree. 1. a. With antecedent as:…in which degree, to what extent. Expressing with antecedent as, the Comparative of Equality.
b. A woman should submit to the Lord by keeping His commandments which is how she shows God that she loves him (Joh 14:15).
c. The Lord's commandments aren't grievous (1Jo 5:3) and neither should be her husband's.
d. Nothing in God's word is froward or perverse (Pro 8:8), and neither should there be any such thing in a husband's rule.
e. If a husband requires something of this wife which God forbids, or if he forbids her something which God requires, she must obey God rather than her husband (Act 5:29).
iii. Wives are supposed to submit to their husbands as it is fit in the Lord (Col 3:18).
a. Fit - 1. a. Well adapted or suited to the conditions or circumstances of the case, answering the purpose, proper or appropriate.
b. The wife should submit to her husband as long as it is proper and appropriate according to the scriptures.
B. Being subject to him
i. Wives should be subject to their husbands as the church is subject to Christ (Eph 5:24).
ii. Subject - adj. I. 1. That is under the dominion or rule of a sovereign, or a conquering or ruling power; owing allegiance or obedience to a sovereign ruler or state, a temporal or spiritual lord, or other superior.
iii. Wives should be subject to their husbands in every thing (Eph 5:24).
iv. Every - 1. Used to express distributively the sense that is expressed collectively by all.
v. Everything - 1. a. A combination of every (sense 1) and thing....hence it is the current substitute for all (absol.), all things,...
vi. Like the church is subject to Christ in all things (Mat 28:20), wives ought to be subject to their husbands in all things, so long as those things are not in contradiction to God's law.
C. Obeying him (Tit 2:5; 1Pe 3:6).
D. Reverencing him (Eph 5:33).
i. Reverence - 1. trans. To salute (a person) with deep respect; to show respect for (one) by bowing, kneeling, etc.; to make obeisance to. b. To treat with respect or deference. c. To esteem; to value highly.
ii. A wife should therefore respect, esteem, and value her husband highly.
iii. A wife should never insult, make fun of, or speak ill of her husband in public or to other people privately.
6. The five love languages should never be a substitute for the God-ordained roles that a husband and wife have in a marriage, but they can be useful complements to them.